Can Yes Mean No?

Well, no. Of course, yes cannot mean no.

Or can it?

Consent is defined as a voluntary agreement between participants of an activity, often sexual. True consent is not coerced, meaning consent is negated in scenarios involving force, intimidation or threats. However, this definition is too broad for the variety of situations that can occur. What if one participant is drunk? What if both participants are? What about individuals who cannot legally give approval, such as those under the age of consent? These are simplified situations.

We've all seen movies where a woman feigns disapproval while contradicting it with body language and facial expressions. Films throughout history have romanticized nonconsensual sex and created the impression that women are always interested. Media has distorted the idea of consent, sexualizing women and emphasizing masculinity, while filmmakers have been pressured into reinforcing these stereotypes to appeal to the masses.

So, how can one be sure they have given or received consent? The simple answer is to say “yes,” but it must be intentional. Body language must reflect approval. There cannot be hesitation or ambiguity; otherwise, the consent is technically void.

It can feel like a lot of pressure to give or receive proper approval, and ensuring consent can be stressful. Here are some tips to ensure appropriate consent:

• Practice enthusiastic consent. It may sound unnecessary, but it is a valid method. Enthusiastic consent is a newer term that defines a positive expression of consent. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), the country's largest anti-sexual violence organization, “Enthusiastic consent means looking for the presence of a ‘yes’ rather than the absence of a ‘no.’” This consent form involves extra communication and body language to ensure confirmation and comfort. Examples include nodding, positive feedback and repeated verbal confirmation during the activity.

• Do not proceed if you receive mixed signals. Mixed signals are often a sign of hesitation or reluctance. If a person says yes but seems unsure, they may have felt pressured or are not entirely comfortable. No matter the situation, mixed signals do not mean “yes" and therefore void consent. Stop and ask questions to help them feel safe and heard.

• You can change your mind at any time. Consent can be withdrawn at any point. Saying yes once does not mean yes indefinitely. Additionally, just because a participant gave consent before does not guarantee consent in the future. No one should feel pressured to say yes because of past experiences or their relationship with the other participant. Decisions should be based solely on the present moment and current feelings.

• If they say no, that’s it. You stop, and you move on. There is no argument to be made. It is important to respect consent, as it reflects not only on your respect for the participant but also for yourself.

  
  

Many factors can influence a participant’s answer. As mentioned before, all members of the party must avoid force, intimidation and threats. However, this generalizes a wide range of situations. Many forms of manipulation can be used to elicit a “yes” from someone who is unwilling.

One of the most common forms of manipulation that impacts consent is guilt-tripping. A participant may intentionally pressure the other by appealing to their sympathy or pity, making it easier for the unwilling individual to change their mind. Humans naturally want to satisfy the desires of those they care about. However, guilt-tripping can also be unintentional. A disappointed reaction to rejection can unintentionally sway the other person. No matter whether guilt-tripping is intentional or not, it should not influence consent.

It is not your fault.

While consent is difficult to define with strict rules, it is simple to recognize. There should never be uncertainty about whether all participants are willing.

Communication is the foundation of consent. In 2025, we all need to talk and listen to each other, especially in intimate situations. We should be able to express ourselves openly without judgment or confusion, while also respecting others for who they are and what they want. This is the year we choose to voice our concerns, desires and boundaries freely.